🎯 When a Number Becomes Your Identity

I want to share something that happened over the weekend.

But before I do—hi again. I’ve been on a little break from Substack, and it feels good to be back.

Sometimes you need space to remember what matters.

And for me, this space—where I can share my thoughts, frameworks, and mindset shifts—is something I truly want to keep showing up for.

So, let’s get into it.

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🏓 The Rating That Shook My Mood

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’ve been spending a lot of my time playing pickleball lately.

It’s become one of my biggest hobbies. A physical outlet. A social anchor. A space to push myself.

Now, pickleball has a rating system called DUPR—separate scores for doubles and singles.

I recently hit a singles rating of 4.15. That might not mean much if you’re not in the sport, but for context: anything above 4.0 is considered “very solid.” Most players spend months (even years) chasing that milestone.

So yeah, I was proud of that number.

Until I wasn’t.

Because after a recent singles tournament, my rating dropped from 4.15 to 3.99.

Just like that.

And it messed me up way more than I expected.

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🧠 The Problem With Numbers

Here’s the thing about numbers:

They’re everywhere.

Grades. Followers. Net worth. Calories. Step counts. Salaries. Stats. Scores.

And at some point, many of us start to become those numbers.

Not intentionally. Not consciously.

But slowly… we attach.

We start to believe the number means something about us.

About our worth. Our progress. Our identity.

That’s what happened to me.

I didn’t just lose a DUPR point.

I lost a piece of the image I was holding onto.

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🌀 From Awareness to Reset

The drop in rating affected me for two whole days.

Even the next day, during a casual, friendly game—I wasn’t present.

I was tense. In my head. Overthinking.

And at some point, I just… left. I couldn’t enjoy it.

But here’s where things started to shift:

I noticed what was happening.

That awareness—realizing I’d attached myself to a number—was the first step.

Then I talked about it. I told my partner. I admitted how much it had gotten to me.

And just saying it out loud took away some of its power.

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📈 Numbers Will Rise and Fall—You’ll Still Be Here

The day after that, I got back on court.

Played a few more DUPR games. My doubles rating actually went up.

But more importantly, I felt free again.

Because here’s what I remembered:

This won’t be the last time I attach myself to a number.

But now, at least, I can catch it faster.

And when you can catch it… you can breathe through it.

You can journal. Reflect. Talk it out. Sit with it.

And slowly… you start to reclaim your identity from it.

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🪞A Thought for You

Have you ever felt defined by a number?

Your GPA. Your bank balance. Your follower count.

Your weight. Your performance review. Your productivity score.

If so—what helped you loosen its grip?

I’d love to hear your story.

Until next time,

—Adi